


some things you just cant refuse

by TheFlirtMeister



Category: I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman
Genre: Arguing, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, Interviews, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 04:46:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17135216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlirtMeister/pseuds/TheFlirtMeister
Summary: “You announced you were dating Jimmy?!” Cecily shouts from where The Arc are bundled into her office. “What on earth possessed you Lister?!”“She was annoying me!” Lister exclaims, “I wanted to rile her up!”“Do you not have a brain?!” Cecily demands. “Has it been drummed out of your skull? What the hell is wrong with you?”





	some things you just cant refuse

**Author's Note:**

> an osemanverse secret santa fic for listerbirdy on tumblr! :D

Lister hates interviews. No, that's a lie. He likes interviews with people he knows, journalists who he's met before, who can laugh and take a joke. He likes interviews with teen magazines, when they just want to know about his favourite item of clothing, or ask for silly stories about the band.

He doesn't like interviews with important newspapers, who stare Lister, Jimmy, and Rowan down with a steely eye and demand the truth. The interviewer in question is a woman, Maeve, with a speak-to-the-manager haircut. She's already decided she hates them, and there's nothing The Arc can say to change that.

Maeve has just finished grilling Jimmy about trans issues in the media when her attention focuses on Lister. Jimmy is fidgeting beside Lister, and Lister can tell he's really upset by the woman's comments. Before that, she tried to ask Rowan about the knife crime epidemic in London, and Rowan had politely shut her down. Lister can feel that Rowan is seething beside him, which is a miracle within itself, because Rowan is the calm and collected one.

“So, Lister.” Maeve says. “The party boy of the group.”

“That's my name, don't wear it out.” Lister replies, flashing her a grin. He can still live up to expectations.

“Is it true that you've slept with 500 women since going on your Europe tour?” Maeve continues, and Rowan snorts but hides it with a cough.

“I'm not James Hunt.” Lister says, but then leans forward. “But you can be 501 if you like.”

Maeve blinks, alarmed. Rowan is shaking his head, and Jimmy's stopped picking the skin off his thumb nail.

“If you could be serious Mr Bird.” Maeve says, and Lister sits back in his seat.

“Of course. Sorry.”

“Rumours are that you are in a polyamorous relationship with several people. What do you say to that?”

Bullshit, Lister thinks internally, and is about to open his mouth to speak when Jimmy quietly rubs his foot against Lister's own. It's a small gesture, undetectable to Maeve herself, but it soothes Lister.

“I'm not in a polyamorous relationship.” Lister says, and the room settles for almost a moment. “I'm dating Jimmy.”

And with that, everything erupts into chaos.

*

“You announced you were dating Jimmy?!” Cecily shouts from where The Arc are bundled into her office. “What on earth possessed you Lister?!”

“She was annoying me!” Lister exclaims, “I wanted to rile her up!”

“Do you not have a brain?!” Cecily demands. “Has it been drummed out of your skull? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Many, many things are wrong with him.” Rowan says from the sidelines.

“Shut up.” Cecily and Lister tell him, and then go back to yelling at one another.

“Do you know how much damage control I'm going to have to do?” Cecily asks.

“It's just a joke.” Lister says stubbornly. “I'll just tell her I was messing about.”

“It's already gone into print.” Cecily says, “The devil works fast but Maeve works faster.”

“Just call a press conference.”

“Oh, just _call a press conference_ , shall I? Just a casual press conference on a Tuesday morning. Sorry everyone, my band member is a complete idiot who lies for the fun of it.” Cecily seethes.

“I could say it's a lie.” Jimmy pipes up.

Lister turns to look at him. Jimmy is slightly flushed across the cheeks, hands shoved deep into his pockets. They haven't spoken to each other properly since the interview, only Lister trying to make jokes and Jimmy ignoring him.

Lister hates when they're not speaking. They're best friends after all. No matter what stupid stuff that falls out of Lister's mouth.

“Because it is.” Jimmy says, fixing Lister with a look. “A lie.”

Lister rolls his eyes. “Nobody is going to believe it.”

“Can I remind you of Jowan?” Rowan says. “Or have you forgotten that as well, you lump.”

“Don't call me a lump.” Lister snaps.

“Boys.” Cecily says icily, and the three of them stop talking. “We're going to fix this. It just might take a while.”

She looks Lister dead in the eye. “You just might have to pretend to have a boyfriend for a bit.”

“What?!” Jimmy and Lister say at the same time, and an evil grin spreads across Cecily's face.

*

“This is so stupid.” Jimmy mutters under his breath as they pose for an Instagram photo. “Your breath smells.”

“You smell.” Lister retorts, and the camera man sighs.

“Can you two please pretend you're in love?”

“Gross.” Lister says.

They're sitting on a sofa together, arms wrapped around each other. It's supposed to look like a candid shot, but they're both so uncomfortable with each other that they look like they have guns pointed at their heads. Which, isn't much of a lie to be honest.

“Jimmy, lean into him.” The camera man says.

Jimmy leans in and almost hits Lister in the head with his skull. Lister jerks backwards and hisses under his breath.

“Sorry.” Jimmy says, but it doesn't sound very genuine.

“I know you think this is all my fault.” Lister says.

“That's because it is.” Jimmy mutters.

“I was just trying to make you laugh.” Lister says. “Honestly. I didn't mean to make you upset.”

Jimmy looks up at Lister through his eyelashes. “You don't think before you speak.”

“That part of my brain was sadly injured in the incident-we-don't-name.” Lister says, and the corners of Jimmy's mouth twitch upwards.

“You truly are an idiot, aren't you?” Jimmy says.

Lister grins. “That's me.”

Jimmy sighs, but it's fondly. “Come here.” He says. “Let's try and make this Instagram photo look real.”

“Yes Sir.” Lister replies, and leans into Jimmy's space again. “I could fake kiss you if you like?”

“Don't push your luck.” Jimmy says quickly, but he's smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment if you enjoyed!


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